


Life's Too Short

by brewcha



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Post Finale, can be either way, i tried to make the summary work but i ain't gettin' any oomph in it, platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brewcha/pseuds/brewcha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[ “I have a lot of things I <em>need</em> to say,” Rin replied firmly, breathing in the ever-present tangy scent of chlorine and saltwater, of memories and warmth and softness. “And I’ll be damned if I don’t say them now because I’m not – <em>never</em> going to risk losing not just you, Makoto, but the chance to say just—just how much you mean to me, <em>dumbass.</em>” ]</p><p>Rin finds out about Makoto's near-drowning, and it's painful to think about the <em>what ifs</em> because that was the time when so many things were left unsaid, with so many harsh words slipped: <em>what if</em> they had lost Makoto, making Rin's last words to him dismissive and cruel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life's Too Short

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me at three in the morning so forgive me if there are any errors! (I tried to make the summary work but I'm still not gettin' the oomph in it.)
> 
> Based off a prompt (from quite a while ago) about what if Rin finds out about what had happened during the Iwatobi swim club's training camp, and he feels horrible because if Makoto had really (god forbid) died, his last words to him would have been calling him a loser (I rewatched the episodes a few more times and eventually settled on what Rin said in episode 3 during the joint practice - as you will see here).
> 
> Rated T only because sad stuff and I don't know how to rate things.

_“Always treasure the people you care about the most. Talk to them as if it’s your last chance to do so. Never forget to tell them how much you love them.”_

Rin remembered his mother sitting him and Gou down one day and telling them very seriously how important it was to let other people know how much you cared about them. It was a bit out of the blue – or maybe it wasn’t, since he and Gou had been a movie that may or may not had brought up the subject – but Rin never forgot those words. 

When he thought of his mother’s sombre, loving face, he briefly wondered if she had been thinking about his dad during the conversation.

It explained the constant I-love-you’s that their mother never failed to deliver every morning since Rin and Gou were children; the phone-calls when Rin was in Australia (the earlier, happier months) in which their mother would say ‘I love you Rin, I’m proud of you’, to which Gou would follow-up with a chirpy ‘I love you onii-chan!’ and Rin would stifle an embarrassed grunt and say ‘Yeah, love y’all too’; lots and lots more similar comments from their mother and Gou even now in high school that were embarrassing, yet undeniably full of love and tenderness that Rin would always eventually link back to his mother’s talk. 

It made sense: Life was unpredictable. Things happen. Nobody could say what comes after a minute and nothing should be taken for granted. 

And though Rin never consciously mulled over his mother’s words that much, it sort of slipped into his sub-consciousness. Rin wanted his friends to know how much he cared and just how _god damn important_ they were to him, to make up for all that lost time and misunderstandings, because life was unpredictable and nothing should be taken for granted.

 

* * *

 

And that was why Rin and Makoto found themselves leaning against the wall next to a vending machine, the night late and quiet, the faint whispers of the tide lapping onto the beach of Iwatobi Bay, both boys clutching a Pocari Sweat each in their hands.

Rin was gripping his can tightly, not having bothered to crack it open. “Why didn’t you guys— _you_ tell me?”

He wasn’t looking at Makoto, who stood beside him, their shoulders only an inch or two apart. Even so, Rin could feel the solid, steady presence of the brunet that had always, _always_ been a source of strength and foundation for people including Rin.

It was painful to imagine _what if._

“I’m sorry, Rin.” And he sounded genuinely sorry too. _Sorry for not telling you. Sorry for keeping you out of loop. Sorry that you had to find out at the most inopportune moments. Sorry I made you worry. Sorry you came out this late at night._

“I’m not _asking_ for an apology,” Rin snapped and Makoto didn’t respond. Rin imagined him smiling patiently – it was an expression that Makoto made often, perhaps minus a tinge of sadness, when Haruka was being stubborn or Nagisa was being melodramatic.

Rin didn’t let himself imagine _what if._

“It’s just—“ Rin didn’t know how to explain why he was so angry. He was _furious._ “If anything had happened—back then—“

It was a lie to say that Rin was furious at Makoto. Sure, what Makoto had done during the summer’s training camp, out in the ocean, was reckless. But it wasn’t really that: so many things at that time were left unsaid between Rin and Haruka, Rin and Nagisa, Rin and Makoto. Harsh words were thrown at them that were simply unfair, and _what if._

“It’s okay, Rin,” Makoto said, his voice soothing and calm. “I was okay after that.”

“It’s _not okay_ —“ Rin wasn’t quite yelling, but his voice was raised, as if he wanted to make the point, as if Makoto didn’t get it. “You could’ve…anything could’ve…” 

Rin remembered waking up in the middle of the night during that storm. He couldn’t sleep that night, having felt an uncomfortable wrench in his gut all throughout the evening. Rain had been pelting hard from the sky and clattering against the window like glass marbles.

_(“It doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore…just go back to sleep…”)_

Rin remembered when they were still kids, that time Haruka drowned in the river. He was panicking as he and Makoto ran to the riverbank to haul Haruka back out, but he felt most frightened when he saw Makoto shaking and listened to the taller boy calling Haruka's name over and over again.

_(Rin had never seen anyone that terrified by something before. The sight had stuck deep in his heart, and now his body wouldn't work the way he thought it should._

_Without saying anything more, Rin kept walking behind Makoto. If Makoto said that he didn't remember, then Rin wouldn't interfere. He didn't want to forcibly pry into things that Makoto didn't want to talk about. That was why he didn't intend to enquire any further;_ Even if I did ask, it wouldn't make much difference _, he thought.)_

It was painful to think of it like that but _what if._ Makoto was standing beside him right now, as present and unchanging as ever, but _what if._

What if Makoto had drowned that night? What if Haruka had pulled Makoto out of the water, only to realize he hadn’t managed to pull Makoto out of the ocean, not really? What if after that night, things turned out differently, perhaps for the worse?

Rin dared himself to use that word.

 _What if Makoto had_ died _?_

Rin didn’t want to think the last words he had said to Makoto back then.

“Rin.” Makoto’s voice seemed to resonate deep within Rin’s thoughts, bringing him back to the present. Unbidden, Rin looked up to see Makoto gazing at him quietly, concern apparent in his soft green eyes. 

_(“You guys are a waste of my time.”)_

Rin suddenly felt sick.

“Oh god, Makoto—I’m _terrible_ —“ Rin blurted out without thinking, pressing a palm hard against his forehead. “ _Shit_ I’m so sorry—I’m so, so _so_ damn sorry—“

“E-Eh—?“ Makoto straightened up in surprise, his hands hovering uncertainly, his own can of Pocari Sweat already forgotten. “Rin, why…”

“I’m such an _idiot_ —I never thought…I wasn’t thinking—!” At that last syllable, Rin felt a rush of heated emotions and lashed out, pushing himself off the wall and startling Makoto. His unopened can was flung hard at the ground. By some miracle it didn’t crack but instead bounced off the cold concrete, leaving a scratch against the ground, a dent on the can and an ache in Rin’s chest. 

Far off, the sea crashed against the shore of Iwatobi Bay as the breeze picked up into a sharp gust of wind.

“Rin, I—“

“Don’t say another word.” Makoto flinched, though more out of surprise than anything, and Rin turned to grab the taller boy by the collar, pulling him into a rough, tight-locked hug.

Rin could feel Makoto jolt a little at the movement, confused and startled, but he didn’t let go, wrapping his arms around the brunet’s broad shoulders and burying his face into the striped shirt. 

“I’m _so damn sorry,_ ” Rin wasn’t crying, but he felt his emotions well up against his throat all the same. His fingers closed into fists, clutching the shirt on Makoto’s back as if the next gust of wind was going to blow his friend away and into the darkness of the ocean. “I’m so so _so_ glad—so _thankful_ —that you’re here right now god _damnit_ —“ 

Rin didn’t know how long they stood there, with Rin clutching onto Makoto without any short-term intention of letting him go and Makoto standing there stunned rigid with bewilderment. But when he felt Makoto’s exhale and those strong arms reaching up to wrap around him and reciprocate the hug, Rin felt a thousand agonizing thoughts scatter like fragile leaves when a child jumps into a pile. Makoto felt warm and gentle and solid and unwavering and _what if._

“It’s okay, Rin,” Makoto dropped his head against Rin’s shoulder, sighing into the fabric of Rin’s hoodie, and Rin wondered if Makoto had been scared too, all this time, of the _what ifs._ “It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere now, you don’t have to say anything.”

“I have a lot of things I _need_ to say,” Rin replied firmly, breathing in the ever-present tangy scent of chlorine and saltwater, of memories and warmth and softness. “And I’ll be damned if I don’t say them now because I’m not – _never_ going to risk losing not just you, Makoto, but the chance to say just—just how much you mean to me, _dumbass_.”

Makoto laughed, sounding almost relieved when he heard the sharp, last minute addition of the profanity, and hugged Rin tighter. Rin could feel Makoto’s laugh vibrate in his chest and he found himself laughing as well, the tightness in his chest beginning to dissipate.

“I’m listening,” Makoto said softly as their laughter subsided and mingled with the whispers of the continuous tides. “I’m right here and I’m going to listen.”

A smile broke into Rin’s expression and he hugged Makoto even tighter. 

**Author's Note:**

> That bit in brackets ("Rin had never seen anyone that terrified...") was taken from sunnyskies' translation of High Speed!, by the way. I had also written a couple of scenes that were Rin finding out about the incident (i.e. Gou mentioning it in passing over a phone call, Nagisa letting it slip because Nagisa, etc etc) but then I couldn't seem to mesh things together so I winded up leaving that whole bit out in the end. Feel free to use your imagination!
> 
> So here y'go! I hope you liked this. This can be taken platonically or romantically if you wish; what happens next is totally up to your imagination. I maaaaay or may not have another Makorin (I seem to be more confident writing Makorin than Makoharu) oneshot brewing (hah, brew) in my head for Valentine's.
> 
> This is also uploaded on [tumblr](http://lebrewery.tumblr.com/post/75582499315/lifes-too-short-oneshot).


End file.
